I’ve been reading a curious mixture of titles about happiness and, separately, neuropsychology. The primary takeaway regarding happiness is to invest in community, purpose, and values, and otherwise not to be rattled by what life and/or people throw at you. It’s all so easy to type, but hard to do. And that’s because of neuropsychology.

We basically have three-part brains, and much of our ‘thinking’ (if we’re able to engage in executive functioning all, which we sometimes aren’t if we are too stressed in the short-term, or are dealing with unresolved trauma) is actually sculpted by what our bodies are doing and our emotions. Furthermore, we as humans are social. Our evolutionary success occurred in large part because we are driven to care deeply about one another, and also about fitting in with the group. Thus while community can be a buffer to support our optimal functioning in tough times, it can also be a barrier to optimal functioning by bringing on tough times. Conflict with others can be painful to the point of debilitating. As can fear of or actually being ostracized and not fitting in.

Simply put, there are times when it’s really hard to be a human, and that’s because of our humanity. This is a hard-wired issue baked in our brains.

For example, from recent readings, I loved this quote from Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga’s “The Courage to be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon that Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Happiness”:

“When receiving praise becomes one’s goal, one is choosing a way of living that is in line with another person’s system of values.”

And while the observation is profound, it’s also profoundly hard for many of us to make changes in this area, because evolution has favored the characteristics of wanting to be liked. And that’s before you even get into things like the heightened pressures people of certain identities face to put the needs of others first.

And then that was before the algorithm stepped in! The algorithm rewards conflict and negative content, in large part because our brains evolved to pay close attention to and be triggered by conflict. So, not only does life influenced by social media mean that we seek praise and affirmation constantly (literally with “like” buttons), but also that we are even more rewarded for more extreme statements.

Yikes, man. It was hard enough to rise above in the first place. I know techno-panic is silly (after all, some said radios in cars would destroy everything), but the fundamentals of how our internal systems work and how the tech systems work has created the powder keg that’s blowing in real time. How do we Zen? Is it even possible without disconnecting?